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제목 OPIC Script grammar check (Topic_Bank) 등록일 2016-03-03
내용 [Question 1] What is the bank system in your country?
Answer: l live in Korea. My country has a many bank company.
They normally open at 9am, close at 4pm.
The bank has many branch and automated teller machine It’s called ATM in the regions.
So we can deposit and withdraw money at any time, and anywhere.
The bank has man function such as saving the money, account transfer service, take out an insurance product and pay my taxes and so on.
A few years ago, whenever I have needed to bank, I always went to the bank.
However, these days the internet technology has dramatically improved, I almost do the internet banking by computer. Sometimes it’s happen to security incident, I always use the internet banking. The reason I like the internet banking system is that it’s convenient for use and saving my time. Personality, I think the internet banking is the best technology. So I can't imagine without my life.
담당강사 Rebecca2 등록일 2016-03-04
첨삭 내용

[Question 1] What is the bank system in your country?
Answer: l live in Korea. My country has a many bank company. 
They normally open at 9am, close at 4pm. 
The bank has many branch and automated teller machine It’s called ATM in the regions. 
So we can deposit and withdraw money at any time, and anywhere. 
The bank has man function such as saving the money, account transfer service, take out an insurance product and pay my taxes and so on. 
A few years ago, whenever I have needed to bank, I always went to the bank. 
However, these days the internet technology has dramatically improved, I almost do the internet banking by computer. Sometimes it’s happen to security incident, I always use the internet banking. The reason I like the internet banking system is that it’s convenient for use and saving my time. Personality, I think the internet banking is the best technology. So I can't imagine without my life.

 

[Question 1] What is the bank system in your country?
Answer: l live in Korea. My country has a many bank company. (Say "My country has many bank companies" instead.  More than one company means it needs to be plural.)

They normally open at 9am, close at 4pm.  


The bank has many branch and automated teller machine It’s called ATM in the regions.


So we can deposit and withdraw money at any time, and anywhere.


The bank has man function such as saving the money, account transfer service, take out an insurance product and pay my taxes and so on.


A few years ago, whenever I have needed to bank, I always went to the bank.


However, these days the internet technology has dramatically improved, I almost do the internet banking by computer.  ("I always do".  Always = all the time.  Almost = not quite.)

Sometimes it’s happen to security incident, I always use the internet banking.  ("Sometimes a security incident can happen")

The reason I like the internet banking system is that it’s convenient for use and saving my time.

Personality, I think the internet banking is the best technology. ("Personally".)

So I can't imagine without my life.  ("I can't imagine my life without it")

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