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| 제목 | 0710 Musical Instrumemt Benefit | 등록일 | 2024-07-10 |
|---|---|---|---|
| 내용 | I often forget what I momorized and lose my focuses and thi nk as I age, it is no way to recover sharpness as I used to be in. But Musical Instrument is absolutely good solution to boosting my brain and advancing my mental ability. These effects of long-term instrumemt have been shown and proven in the studies and that is why doctors are applying these to an healing therapy of the stroke. In addition , musical instrument could help us in improving social skill and reducing mentally depression. |
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| 담당강사 | Jace2usa | 등록일 | 2024-07-12 |
| 첨삭 내용 | I often forget what I momorized and lose my focuses and thi nk as I age, it is no way to recover sharpness as I used to be in. But Musical Instrument is absolutely good solution to boosting my brain and advancing my mental ability. These effects of long-term instrumemt have been shown and proven in the studies and that is why doctors are applying these to an healing therapy of the stroke. In addition , musical instrument could help us in improving social skill and reducing mentally depression. Here's a detailed analysis of the sentence, highlighting the errors and providing corrections: 1. **Spelling Errors**: - "momorized" should be "memorized." - "instrumemt" should be "instrument." - "mentally depression" should be "mental depression." 2. **Grammar and Syntax Errors**: - "lose my focuses" should be "lose my focus." - "no way to recover sharpness as I used to be in" is awkward. It should be rephrased to "no way to recover the sharpness I used to have." - "Musical Instrument" should be "Playing a musical instrument." - "good solution to boosting" should be "a good solution for boosting." - "These effects of long-term instrumemt" should be "These long-term effects of playing an instrument." - "and that is why doctors are applying these to an healing therapy of the stroke" should be "and that is why doctors are using them as part of healing therapy for stroke patients." - "In addition , musical instrument could help us in improving social skill and reducing mentally depression" should be "In addition, playing a musical instrument can help improve social skills and reduce mental depression." 3. **Consistency and Clarity**: - The sentences should be more coherent and linked better to improve the overall flow. 4. **Punctuation**: - There are missing commas and misplaced spaces before commas. - "as I age, it is no way to recover sharpness" should be "there is" instead of "it is." Here's the corrected version: "I often forget what I memorized and lose my focus. As I age, there is no way to recover the sharpness I used to have. However, playing a musical instrument is absolutely a good solution for boosting my brain and advancing my mental ability. These long-term effects of playing an instrument have been shown and proven in studies, which is why doctors are using them as part of healing therapy for stroke patients. In addition, playing a musical instrument can help improve social skills and reduce mental depression." By addressing these issues, the sentence becomes clearer, more grammatically correct, and easier to understand. |
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