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| 제목 | 0725 Throw Away Society | 등록일 | 2024-07-26 |
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| 내용 | As the production quantity increased efficiently and the prices of the products decreased accordingly, we easily could get good products with cheaper prices and easily throw them away, which is called Throw-Away Society. A few decades ago, we learned that the bottle of the milk should be returned to be refilled and torn clothes be mended with niddle and thread. In this Throw-Away Society, overflowing landfills and trash might be detrimental to our environment and even kill or injure our neighbors & animals. |
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| 담당강사 | Jace2usa | 등록일 | 2024-07-30 |
| 첨삭 내용 | As the production quantity increased efficiently and the prices of the products decreased accordingly, we easily could get good products with cheaper prices and easily throw them away, which is called Throw-Away Society. A few decades ago, we learned that the bottle of the milk should be returned to be refilled and torn clothes be mended with niddle and thread. In this Throw-Away Society, overflowing landfills and trash might be detrimental to our environment and even kill or injure our neighbors & animals. The sentence has several issues that affect its clarity and grammatical correctness. Here’s a breakdown and suggestions for improvement: 1. **Clarity and Consistency**: The sentence begins with a complex structure that makes it hard to follow. Simplify the structure to improve readability. 2. **Punctuation and Grammar**: - “efficiently” is not the best word choice here. It should be “increased” or “grew” to fit the context better. - “easily could get” should be “could easily get” to be grammatically correct. - The phrase “easily throw them away” should be rephrased for clarity and coherence. - “which is called Throw-Away Society” should be integrated more smoothly. 3. **Contextual Accuracy**: - The transition from discussing production and pricing to historical practices (like returning milk bottles and mending clothes) needs to be clearer. - “Throw-Away Society” should be clearly defined and introduced. 4. **Environmental Impact**: - “might be detrimental to our environment and even kill or injure our neighbors & animals” could be phrased more clearly, and “&” should be replaced with “and.” **Revised Sentence:** As production increased and product prices decreased, we could easily obtain good products at lower prices and discard them without concern, contributing to what is known as a "Throw-Away Society." A few decades ago, we learned to return milk bottles for refilling and mend torn clothes with needle and thread. In today's Throw-Away Society, overflowing landfills and trash can harm our environment and pose risks to our neighbors and animals. |
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