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| 제목 | Art in schools | 등록일 | 2024-08-29 |
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| 내용 | The effect of art in correlation with education has been debated, but the study is showing clearly why art classes are very important to students. Through the participation in art classes,Dropout rate of the students has been lowered a lot and they are five times likely to graduate from schools and it helps students in creative thinking and solving problems, which are very meaningful in their lives management. |
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| 담당강사 | Jace2usa | 등록일 | 2024-08-29 |
| 첨삭 내용 | The effect of art in correlation with education has been debated, but the study is showing clearly why art classes are very important to students. Through the participation in art classes,Dropout rate of the students has been lowered a lot and they are five times likely to graduate from schools and it helps students in creative thinking and solving problems, which are very meaningful in their lives management. The sentence has some grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, and inconsistencies in tense and punctuation. Here is a breakdown of the issues and suggestions for improvement: 1. **Subject-Verb Agreement**: - “The study is showing clearly” should use simple present tense: "The study clearly shows." The phrase should be consistent with the rest of the sentence, which is mostly in the present tense. 2. **Article Usage**: - "Through the participation in art classes" should be "Through participation in art classes." The definite article "the" is not necessary here. 3. **Capitalization**: - "Dropout rate" should be "dropout rate." There is no reason for "Dropout" to be capitalized. 4. **Word Choice and Clarity**: - "Has been lowered a lot" could be more concise and precise, such as "has significantly decreased." 5. **Punctuation and Parallel Structure**: - The sentence is missing a comma after "schools" for better readability. Additionally, "and it helps" should be parallel in structure: "and they are five times more likely to graduate from school; it also helps students develop creative thinking and problem-solving skills, which are essential for managing their lives." 6. **Repetition**: - "Students" is used repeatedly; consider varying word choice for better flow. 7. **Sentence Flow and Meaning**: - The sentence could be broken into two or more sentences for better clarity and flow. ### Improved Version: The effect of art in correlation with education has been debated, but the study clearly shows why art classes are important for students. Through participation in art classes, the dropout rate has significantly decreased, and students are five times more likely to graduate from school. Additionally, art classes help students develop creative thinking and problem-solving skills, which are essential for managing their lives. By addressing these issues, the sentence will be clearer, more precise, and grammatically correct. |
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